The Road to Dawn
by SOAA
Summary: [slash] The Darkness will forever be a part of Riku, but what if Riku isn’t always strong enough to balance the lightness and darkness within him? Old feelings he thought he had once buried are resurfacing themselves and he must face them once and for all
1. Prologue

**Title: **The Road to Dawn  
**Series:** Kingdom Hearts  
**Characters:** Riku, Sora, Kairi, et al  
**Pairings:** Sora/Kairi, Riku/Sora eventual  
**Genre:** Drama, Angst, Romance  
**Rating:** **M** for the maturity of the themes and for strong language  
**  
WARNINGS:** This story contains slash/male & male/shounen-ai themes! If such things offend you, then please don't read. I refuse to tolerate flames that are caused by the ignorance of the reader.

**Summary:**

Riku might have chosen the Road to Dawn, but even for a heart and will so strong as his, the Road to Dawn is no easy task, especially when the heart is heavy and burdened with horrors unimaginable**.   
**

The Darkness will forever be a part of him, but what if he isn't always strong enough to balance the lightness and darkness within? Old feelings he thought he had once buried are resurfacing themselves and he must face them once and for all or risk losing himself to the Darkness again. The only problem is… because he spent so long running away from the past, he doesn't recognize his own nightmares for what they are – as manifestations of a buried past. And how can he confront something which he can't seem to remember?

**The Road to Dawn**

_**Prologue**_

"_Sora? Sora, where are you? Sora! … SORA!"_

With a hoarse shout, Riku bolted upright in bed, body taut as a wire and mouth forming the soundless syllables of his best friend's name. When he saw where he was, the disorientation faded and the tension in his body relaxed.

"Stupid fucking dreams…"

He scrubbed a hand over his eyes and kicked the covers off and slid out of bed with a 'thump'. There was no sense in trying to go back to sleep now that he was wide awake. He had never been much of a light sleeper in the past, but nowadays… Heh… it seemed that nothing and everything came to haunt his dreams at night and he found himself waking up in the middle of the night with an annoying frequency.

As he checked the time, he snorted and muttered under his breath, "'Least it's morning."

He collected some clothes that were haphazardly draped over his chair and grabbed his towel and padded into the bathroom to take a shower.

As he canted his head backwards to receive the spray of the hot water, the lines on his forehead smoothed out and the tension in his shoulders loosened. But as his eyes closed, the darkness behind his eyelids started cloaking his mind and he found himself an unwilling reviewer of his most recent nightmare.

A flash of teeth, the sound of laughter…

The clanging of Keyblades battling against one another…

More of the laughter…

Then a scream of pain and a shower of blood…

Aquamarine eyes flared wide and open as he clapped a hand over his mouth to silence his own cry of horror.

The fuck!

"God… Sora…"

His backside hit the shower wall as he slumped against it and tilted his head upwards. A burst of copper filled his mouth as he bit his lower lip and his shoulders started to violently shake.

"God… How could I! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry Sora, I swear it wasn't me!"

It was a long while before Riku came out of the shower and he only came out because the water had turned cold on him.

Despite what had happened while he had showered, his face and body language showed no signs of his previous distress. The self-confident half grin was on his face again and behind the grin was a veneer of stoicism.

As he finished toweling his still-damp hair, he stared at himself in the mirror and hardly noticed the lackluster aquamarine eyes that stared back at him, their depths like bottomless pits. He shoved his feet into his shoes while he combed his hair and after a few flicks of the comb, he tossed it onto the counter.

Without so much as a backwards glance, he left the room and shut the door behind himself, not hearing the tinkling sound of broken glass that followed his departure.

_ tbc in Part I - I Forgot_


	2. I Forgot

**Title: **The Road to Dawn  
**Series:** Kingdom Hearts  
**Characters:** Riku, Sora, Kairi, et al  
**Pairings:** Sora/Kairi, Riku/Sora eventual  
**Genre:** Drama, Angst, Romance  
**Rating:** **M** for the maturity of the themes and for strong language  
**  
WARNINGS:** This story contains slash/male & male/shounen-ai themes! If such things offend you, then please don't read. I refuse to tolerate flames that are caused by the ignorance of the reader.

**Summary:**

Riku might have chosen the Road to Dawn, but even for a heart and will so strong as his, the Road to Dawn is no easy task, especially when the heart is heavy and burdened with horrors unimaginable**.   
**

The Darkness will forever be a part of him, but what if he isn't always strong enough to balance the lightness and darkness within? Old feelings he thought he had once buried are resurfacing themselves and he must face them once and for all or risk losing himself to the Darkness again. The only problem is… because he spent so long running away from the past, he doesn't recognize his own nightmares for what they are – as manifestations of a buried past. And how can he confront something which he can't seem to remember?

**Part I.**

** _I Forgot_**

The sun wasn't even out yet when Riku stepped outside, but he flinched anyway when he glanced heavenwards. His eyes narrowed slightly when his eyes rested on the sky above with its star studded black shroud.

He gave an involuntary shiver before he shoved his hands into his pockets. Despite the fact that he had lived in a tropical climate all his life, the nighttime air still carried a touch of chill that felt a little too cool for his skin. Tonight, however, the air seemed to be cooler than usual, making him wish that he had thought to bring his jacket with him.

As the wind whistled quietly through his hair, he jerked his head down into the collar of his shirt and jammed his hands deeper into his pockets.

"Fuck, but it's cold," he muttered and started walking towards the sandy shoreline of the beach.

As he walked, his thoughts turned to his dream-filled slumber. Now that he was fully awake, the nighttime spooks couldn't haunt him anymore. But try as he might, he could never seem to remember more than the barest snatches once he was more than half awake and this time was no exception. The only thing he could remember was that he had been running while calling out Sora's name over and over again.

_Sora…_

Lately, it seemed that all of his dreams had to do with Sora, one way or another, and it was really starting to bother him.

He freely admitted that losing Sora when he had walked into Darkness had been one of the most frightening moments of his life so he had been anything but surprised when he had first started having the nightmares.

But… that had been… years ago. It had been… how long?

It had been two years.

Two years had passed and he was _still_ getting the stupid nightmares that had plagued his dreams ever since their adventure.

No matter how he looked at it, it made no sense to him as to why he would still have the nightmares about Sora.

It wasn't as if things had ended badly between them because of the events; if anything, the past had drawn them closer together.

He and Sora had patched things up between them even before they had returned home and upon their return to Destiny Islands, they had become closer than ever, sharing a special unspoken understanding that only two Keyblade Masters could.

True, Mickey had once told him that a person's body sometimes handled trauma in the form of nightmares, but this was getting a little ridiculous.

Sora was FINE, dammit, and despite all the hellish experiences his brunette friend had endured, he was still able to offer most anyone his trademark goofy grin and cheery laugh at least once a day.

Riku's eyebrows knitted together briefly as the image of Sora laughing appeared in his mind and something in his chest and stomach twinged fiercely.

_I'm sorry, Sora…_

Even though Sora had long since completely forgiven him for the wrongs he had committed, the sense of guilt never completely went away and somehow… he had a feeling that the guilt would always be there to stay as a reminder of his darker past.

With a sigh and a glower, Riku kicked at a rock in his path. "I'm still not fucking over it."

Releasing his frustrations on the stone, he kicked the rock like someone would dribble a ball and after doing this for a few minutes he found himself at the foot of the paopu tree.

A small grin tugged at his lips as he seated himself on his usual perch and drew one knee up to wrap his arm around. The paopu tree had become one of his other best friends of late – his timeless and silent companion whenever he found himself at the mercy of his nightmares or insomnia.

He had just plucked a slightly overripe paopu fruit off the tree and was polishing the fruit on the hem of his shirt when he heard a familiar voice laughing quietly behind him. At the voice, the slump in his shoulders straightened a bit and a grin touched his lips.

_Well speak of the devil…_

"Fancy seeing you here, Riku," Sora's voice was warm and bright – brighter than anyone's should have the right to be at such an ungodly hour.

"I should say the same to you, Sora," Riku chuckled and waved his hand holding the paopu fruit, indicating for the younger man to join him on the tree. Sora laughed again and easily seated himself next to his silver haired friend.

For a long moment, neither of them spoke, and then Riku's lower voice broke the companionable silence.

"Couldn't sleep?"

"… Yeah." Sora pulled his feet up and wrapped his arms around his knees and rocked back and forth a bit before turning to face Riku. "And you?"

As he waited for an answer that he knew would take some time to be spoken, his dark eyes searched out the outline of his best friend. In all honesty, he already knew the answer even without asking. At the very least… he had more than a fair guess as to what was going on. It wasn't too hard to decipher his best friend's behavior after knowing him for over ten years, after all.

To be honest, this wasn't the first time he had caught Riku sitting on their paopu tree in the wee hours of the morn. This wasn't even the second time or third time. By the time his count had reached ten, he had stopped counting and that had been… almost a year ago? If anyone thought to ask, he would bet all the paopu fruits on the tree that there had been many more early morning visits to the paopu tree since then.

In fact, he could even make a guess as to when Riku started keeping company with the predawn hours.

It had been a difficult time for all of them, but Riku, deciding to walk the road to dawn, had quite possibly endured some of the most harrowing experiences of them all. By choosing to walk the twilit road, he housed within his heart both the light and the dark and Sora knew that the two opposing forces didn't always cohabit together smoothly.

When Riku's lips twitched and his eyebrows furrowed together, he knew he was right.

"Nightmares."

The answer was punctuated with a dry chuckle and Sora reached out a gloved hand to rest on the other's shoulder and squeeze.

"They just don't want to go away, do they?" His voice was sympathetic and tinged with empathy. Nightmares were nondiscriminatory and even though he himself walked the road to the light, he had his own fair share of nightmares as well.

Hell, the reason he was up at such an ungodly hour –

Sora suddenly made a face and shivered, pulling his legs closer to his body.

Riku's eyebrows winged upwards as he felt the fine tremor run through Sora's body through the hand that rested on his shoulder and he scooted over a bit so that they were pressed up against each other, arm against arm. "No, they don't," he murmured.

The uncharacteristically soft tone of voice Riku adopted prompted Sora to talk some more. If he talked then maybe Riku would, too.

"Ever since… well, the beginning…" Sora chewed his lower lip as he thought of a way to phrase what he wanted to say in his mind.

"Things have never been the same."

Riku's unexpected interjection made Sora start and glance over at him. Maybe Riku didn't need as much prompting as he had thought. "Yeah…"

"It's been… what? Almost two years since we came back, right?" Riku ran a hand through his shoulder length hair in a nervous gesture and gave a frustrated sigh.

Sora started to say something then settled for only nodding in agreement.

Riku wasn't – and had never been – the sort who freely opened himself up to people. Even though they had been the best of friends for many years and endured severe tests of their friendship, there was still a lot about Riku that he didn't know about.

Kairi had often asked him why he never asked Riku what was wrong when he had mentioned concern of his friend's well being and his answer had always been the same.

Riku was Riku and Riku would talk only when he wanted to.

"And the goddamn dreams just won't leave us the fuck alone!"

"Bastards."

The word slipped past Sora's lips with vehemence and Riku's eyes widened a bit. Sora very seldom cursed out loud, even when angry, and it was surprising to hear the word spoken with such passion.

"We've been through goodness-only-knows how much crap and we still get haunted by stupid dreams." Sora snorted and shook his head and Riku gave a quiet chuckle of agreement. "But we're _here_ and not _there_. And we all made it back. WE made it back, right? WE won – not them."

At his declaration, Sora turned to face Riku. His eyes were wide and bright as a brilliant grin lit his face.

For a moment, Riku just stared at the younger man smiling at him. There was something… fierce in the way that Sora's eyes shone in the darkness, so full of determination and confidence. It reminded him of…

"_Come on, Sora! Together we can do it!"_

As the memory suddenly came unbidden to him, his throat suddenly closed up and his chest and face felt too hot. He turned his head away slightly so Sora couldn't see him.

"And we're still best friends." Sora's voice was quieter now and the spark in his eyes took on a softer glow as he leaned in closer, lightly nudging Riku with his arm. "Aren't we?"

It took Riku a moment to fight back the sting in his eyes, but he grinned back with a toss of his head, rows of even teeth flashing in the night. "Hell yeah."

Sora made a pleased sound and beamed again. He had had a shitty wake up call not even an hour ago courtesy of some stupid nightmare or other and already, he felt so much better.

Talking with Kairi was like a relief, but talking with Riku… even if they didn't always agree, talking with him somehow always made things better.

_I'm so glad that things are okay between us… I don't know what I'd do if…_

His reverie was suddenly broken by a light elbow to the ribs.

"Riku to Sora, do you hear me, Sora, over?"

"Riku!" Sora burst out laughing and gave the taller man a playful shove.

Riku chuckled and easily retained his balance on the tree trunk as he was shoved. "Hey, you're the one spacing out there." He shoved back, which caused Sora to flail about before gripping onto his arm for support.

"So what if I was?" In a moment of childishness, Sora stuck out his tongue at his best friend and the silver haired young man snorted and made a face. Even after all these years, Sora still did the most childish things at times…

"_Sora! You wanted one, didn't you?"_

Sora's hands – even gloved – holding onto his arm was like a blanket of warmth and for some reason, he felt the warmth traveling to his cheeks in the form of a heated blush. He pulled his arm away and smirked.

"What are you smirking at?" The spiky haired brunette demanded, not seeming to notice or mind that Riku had pulled his arm away.

"You." Riku's green blue eyes danced as Sora's lips curled into another pout.

"What did I do!"

"If you keep sticking your tongue out like that, your tongue will get bitten off someday." Though Riku's lips didn't so much as twitch, the laughter could be heard in his tone of voice.

"Says who?" Sora's pout only increased as his eyebrows furrowed.

"Says me, that's who," Riku shot back with a challenging grin. The occurrences of the predawn hours temporarily forgotten, he rested back in an easy posture and idly kicked his legs.

"Hrmph," Sora snorted and glowered at his best friend once before allowing himself to chuckle. Following Riku's example, he too leaned back on his hands and tilted his head up to look at the sky as his heels kicked up sand.

For a long moment, neither of them said anything, sharing between them an easy and familiar silence.

After a while, Sora found his eyes wandering over to rest on the form of his best friend again.

Out of all of them in their group, Riku had always been the most mature and it had showed in his looks. Now that he was an adult – a young adult, albeit, but an adult nonetheless – the years had morphed the last traces of his boyishness into… well, he wasn't quite sure what, but suffice to say that Riku looked… well… elegant. He would say that his best friend looked quite handsome, but that wasn't something you told your best friend, was it?

Unsure as to what to do about that particular line of thought, Sora wrenched his attention away Riku's face. In doing so, his eyes fell on the paopu fruit resting on Riku's lap and he found himself remembering a long ago memory as if it happened yesterday.

"_If two people share one, their destinies become intertwined…"_

Upon remembering this, he winced slightly as he was reminded of something he had been meaning to tell Riku for a little while now. He swallowed and glanced back up at his best friend's face.

Well, it was now or never.

"… Riku?"

Riku's answer was a contented 'hmm' sound and Sora discovered that he was unable to say anything. Brows knitting together, he eyed the older teen some more, as if trying to gauge something.

Riku looked so… peaceful just sitting there… and… well…

"Yeah, Sora?"

"… Errr… nothing. I… uhm… forgot."

Riku quietly laughed at that, reaching over to lightly ruffle Sora's hair. "You're always forgetful, you dork. You need to make lists or something, you know? I swear you'd lose your head if it weren't attached to your body sometimes."

Despite the faintly mocking tone in the other's voice, Riku's eyes were warm as they rested on Sora.

"Ha ha ha, very funny," Sora sniffed and grumped and gently chewed at the inside of his lower lip.

The nervous gesture didn't go by Riku unnoticed and he raised an eyebrow and nudged the brunette with an arm. "You okay?"

"Hmm? Oh yeah, sure," Sora waved his hand with a grin. "Just spacing out again… I was – OH! I remember!"

Riku's lips twitched as he contained an amused laugh. "Ohh?"

"You doing anything this afternoon?" The chirp was back in Sora's voice and the brunette's eyes were fairly glowing.

"Errrr… nothing that I can particularly recall… why?"

"Want to have a picnic at the beach with the gang?" By 'gang' he meant Kairi, Selphie, Tidus, Wakka, and himself.

Riku's eyebrows escalated. A picnic with the whole gang? Tidus was… loud, Selphie was louder and more… annoying, and Wakka was… Wakka, and… Kairi…

His chest suddenly felt tight again and he made a slight face.

And Kairi was Sora's… girlfriend. He invariably felt like a third wheel or a lightning rod whenever the three of them went out together and he was sure this time wouldn't be much of an exception.

He felt a headache coming on and he opened his mouth to decline the invitation, but the grin on Sora's face stopped the words from coming out of his mouth.

Gah! Since when did Sora's smile keep him from saying what was on his mind?

He quashed the answering voice in the back of his mind and gave a shrug. "Sure, I guess. What time?"

If Sora noticed Riku's moment of discomfort, he gave no indication as he beamed. "Selph said to meet at the beach under the largest tree at eleven. No need to bring anything except sunscreen if you need it. OH! And your Triple Triad cards, too!"

"Gotcha." Riku nodded, his hand unconsciously moving to hold onto the paopu fruit in his lap in an almost protective manner.

It was an… odd gesture on Riku's part to say the least and Sora's eyes followed the movement of his hand.

Riku caught Sora looking at him and he glanced down at the paopu fruit in his hand.

"…_They'll remain a part of each other's lives… no matter what…"_

"… Sora –"

Before Riku could finish his sentence, Sora suddenly leapt off the tree with a groan. "Ack! Dammit! I promised Kairi I would accompany her into town for a bit before the picnic. I gotta go! Sorry I have to run, but I'll see you later, right?"

In a flurry of sand, Sora was already retreating up the bridge, his shoes making rhythmic thuds as he ran off, his hand waving furiously in goodbye.

A peculiar look crossed Riku's face as he stared after the retreating figure of his best friend. He sighed and shook his head, his hand clutching the star-shaped fruit even tighter.

"… Nevermind."

_ tbc Part II - That I Might See_


	3. That I Might See

**Title: **The Road to Dawn  
**Series:** Kingdom Hearts  
**Characters:** Riku, Sora, Kairi, et al  
**Pairings:** Sora/Kairi, Riku/Sora eventual  
**Genre:** Drama, Angst, Romance  
**Rating:** **T** for the maturity of the themes and for strong language  
**  
WARNINGS:** This story contains slash/male & male/shounen-ai themes! If such things offend you, then please don't read. I refuse to tolerate flames that are caused by the ignorance of the reader.

**Summary:**

Riku might have chosen the Road to Dawn, but even for a heart and will so strong as his, the Road to Dawn is no easy task, especially when the heart is heavy and burdened with horrors unimaginable**.   
**

The Darkness will forever be a part of him, but what if he isn't always strong enough to balance the lightness and darkness within? Old feelings he thought he had once buried are resurfacing themselves and he must face them once and for all or risk losing himself to the Darkness again. The only problem is… because he spent so long running away from the past, he doesn't recognize his own nightmares for what they are – as manifestations of a buried past. And how can he confront something which he can't seem to remember?

**The Road to Dawn**

**Part II. That I Might See  
**

Sora was breathless from exertion when he reached Kairi's house. He had hoped that all the running would have vanquished the strange sensations churning wildly in his stomach, but as he panted at the doorstep of his house, realized that no amount of running would quash those feelings.

At some point during his conversation with Riku, he had started feeling… peculiar… and at one point, the tension – and exactly from what he had no idea – was so palpable that he couldn't pretend to ignore it anymore. That was when he had left. He hadn't lied; he really did promise Kairi to take her into town later today, but he had made a hasty exit, one which would surely draw questions from his best friend at a later time.

_Riku…_

His mind had just conjured up the image of Riku holding out the paopu fruit to him when the front door suddenly opened.

"Sora! Where in the world were you?" Kairi's voice, both concerned and exasperated, was laced with affection as she crossed her arms and looked at the brunette expectantly.

"Down at the beach," Sora answered with a breathless grin and made a vague gesture in the direction that he had come from.

"Checking out the weather for today?" Kairi brightened and stepped aside to let Sora inside.

Sora's eyebrow furrowed in confusion as he stepped inside. The weather? Why would he be checking out the weather at such a time?

As Kairi's expression started to wax perplexed, he realized what she meant.

_She assumed I went to check the weather for today's picnic!_

Resisting the urge to palm his face, he gave a nonchalant shrug and kicked off his shoes one at a time. "The weather seems fine to me. Maybe a little chillier than usual, but the wind isn't very strong."

Kairi gave him a considering look for a long moment before she spoke up again, her voice soft and quiet, but assertive. "Sora… you look like you're a million miles away."

"I have a lot on my mind is all," Sora gave her a reassuring smile and pulled her close to him when she wrapped her arms around him in a hug.

"… Anything you'd like to talk about?" Kairi rested her cheek against Sora's shoulder.

"… What do you do when… something you once thought was familiar… suddenly isn't so… familiar anymore?" Sora's voice was muffled from burying his nose against the reddish locks of long hair.

"… Is it… a bad feeling?" Kairi's eyes shone with concern as she looked up at him.

"What do you mean?" Sora pulled away and flopped down on the nearby couch and Kairi sat down beside him and held his hand in hers.

"You said things aren't… familiar anymore, but… is it a bad feeling? The unfamiliarity, I mean."

Kairi always had this uncanny way of asking questions which would invariably provoke other unvoiced questions and when she clarified herself, Sora's face took on a perplexed expression as a realization hit him.

It wasn't so much that the unfamiliarity was unsettling, it was more that it… it should have been more unsettling than it was… or… something like that?

"… It's bothering you, isn't it?"

Sympathetic and intuitive, Kairi of course knew that this conundrum was bugging the heck out of him and at the moment, he wasn't sure if he was grateful for this sympathy or annoyed because it forced him to confront his confusion.

"Yeah." Sora leaned back into the couch and rested his head on his hands.

The simple one-word response wasn't typical of Sora and Kairi frowned a little. When she really thought about it, one word responses were becoming more and more typical of Sora and where she didn't exactly expect him to tell her _everything_… it still hurt to feel like she couldn't be confided in. In the back of her mind, she worried that they had been growing apart of late, but her reasoning told her that things were fine; they had made plans together for the future after all.

And speaking of which…

"Uhm, Sora?"

"Mmm?" Sora turned his head around and they locked gazes.

"About the – Did you tell him about it yet?" The words came out rushed and tumbled together.

Sora's eyes widened and he was silent for a moment before he shook his head. "Nope, not yet."

Kairi tried unsuccessfully to hide the exasperated look on her face. "You said you would."

"I know and I'm sorry, Kai, it just…" Sora's voice trailed off.

"Hasn't been a good time," Kairi finished his sentence for him with a quiet sigh. Mentally, she added, "It never is."

"'M sorry, but… yeah. It's not that easy, you know." The brunette sighed with her and stared at the bits of sand sticking to the tops of his sneakers.

"… I know it isn't that easy, but… it can't be that hard, either," Kairi couldn't help saying and Sora made a noncommittal noise in the back of his throat and gave a slight shake of his head.

"Maybe it's not hard for you, Kai, but this is different. The situation… is different."

"How?"

"… I'm not sure I can explain. It just isn't easy and the reasons for it are complicated." This time, it was Sora's turn to blow an exasperated breath of air.

"Oh."

Both were silent for a long moment before Kairi stood up and straightened her clothes. "I need to run over to Selphie's before we head out to town. What time did you want to leave?"

Sora glanced at the clock. "How about at nine? I think I woke up too early so I'm going to take a quick nap."

"Sure. Just don't oversleep." Kairi grinned and winked and Sora gave her a sheepish grin in return.

"I promise! Have fun at Selphie's and tell her I said hi and that Riku is coming to the picnic!"

"All right. Get your rest! I'll be back at around eight or so," Kairi gave Sora a warm kiss before heading to her room to change and collect her things for her excursion. When she emerged, Sora was already asleep on the couch and she smiled fondly at him before she left.

"Sweet dreams, Sora."

**- - - - - - - - - -**

"_Come on, Sora! Together we can do it!"_

_ I'm not going to leave you here, Riku! I can't!_

"_Come on, Sora! Together we can do it!"_

_ Riku! Come back to the light! Please come back to me! RIKU!_

---

Sora woke up with a silent cry with tears tracking down his cheeks.

"Riku… God… You have no idea how hard it was to leave you behind… no fucking clue…" he swiped a hand across his eyes and buried his face into the cushion.

Even awake, the image of Riku's face looking at him from the other side of the double doors haunted him mercilessly, painting every detail of the other's face with such precision and clarity that it was like reliving the memory all over again.

He could hear the echo of Riku's voice encouraging him on as clearly as he saw the unmistakable look of sadness, guilt, determination, and hurt etched on his best friend's face.

With great effort, he recalled the comforting words that Kairi had spoken to him when he had told her about his own sense of guilt and hopelessness at having left Riku behind.

"_But he's back, now, Sora, don't you see? Riku's back and he's here and he's been here! Things will be okay, you just have to give it some time!" _

With a sniff, Sora wiped his eyes again and raised his head off the pillow and flopped onto his back with a shuddering sigh.

Even though it had been years ago, he wondered if maybe he still carried that old guilt around. He and Riku had only become stronger once their adventures had concluded and he knew that the older man had forgiven him, but…

Recalling the events of the pre-dawn hours, Sora sighed again and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

He and Riku had shared such an easy conversation, so why did it make him feel all funny? It was like things were before, almost, with them joshing around and making fun of each other. Even though the topic of discussion had been serious, the mood between them had been light and amiable.

Dammit, he should be happy that he and Riku were getting along so well, not worried that he was suddenly feeling funny! This was exactly what he had hoped for back when he and Riku had drifted apart – to be able to have that sort of relationship again.

Now that he got what he had wished for…

"ARGH! This is stupid, stupid, STUPID!" Sora growled through gritted teeth and clapped his hands over his face. "I worry about all the wrong things sometimes, I swear!"

Making up his mind that he was just having an off day, he rolled over to his side with his back facing the couch and closed his eyes and tried to go back to sleep.

Just as the heaviness of sleep started to take over, he heard Kairi's voice reminding him that things would be okay in a matter of time.

Kairi's advice was sound and practical – her advice usually was. The only problem was… Well… he wasn't sure what the problem was. At least… not anymore.

**- - - - - - - - - -**

"Stupid Sora, acting all weird again," Riku mumbled to himself as he rooted around in his desk drawers for his Triple Triad card deck.

True to Sora's prediction, the brunette's hasty retreat had cast a shadow over the other man's mood. The conversation they had shared had done wonders to lighten his mood and lift his spirits, but Sora's unexpected departure had immediately soured his disposition.

It wasn't so much in regards to Sora being busy that made him peevish, to be honest. He was a pretty busy person, too, so he understood full well what being busy was like. What pissed him off to no end was the fact that it was damn near impossible to have Sora in his company without some sort of interruption.

If it wasn't Kairi calling to ask what they were up to, it was Tidus, Wakka, or Selphie wanting for them all to hang out together and do some group activity.

… Like having a group picnic.

It wasn't that he minded group activities – in fact, he liked it when the whole gang got to hang out – but sometimes…

_He_ didn't go around making other plans if he had already made plans to hang out with Sora; if he made plans, he stuck to them and if someone else wanted his attention, too bad, unless Sora wanted to go with a change in plans.

Granted, his earlier twilit meeting with Sora had been absolutely unexpected and unplanned, but hell! Just where the hell could you possibly go and what errand could you possibly run at four in the freaking morning?

He wasn't stupid and neither was Sora, so he figured that he was missing out on something or other and it irked him.

Not finding what he was looking for, Riku closed the drawer with a little too much force and accidentally caught his hand as the drawer slammed shut.

"Fuck!"

Distracted by the momentary flash of pain, his train of thought derailed and he returned to wondering about the whereabouts of his deck of Triple Triad cards.

"I know I have 'em here somewhere…" he closed the rest of the open drawers, more carefully this time, and started rifling through a box of random odds that he pulled out from under his bed.

As a flash of orange fur caught his eye, a smile tugged at his lips and he pulled out a battered, but well-loved Moomba plush. Riku wasn't much of a sentimental person and if someone asked him whether or not he still slept with stuffed animals, he would say 'no'. If someone saw his Moomba plush and asked him about it, however, he would say that the Moomba was a special exception.

When he was nine and Sora was eight, they had made plans with Sora's mother to go out of town to visit some of Sora's relatives. They had been so excited about the prospect of going out of town that for two whole weeks before the trip, they had talked about nothing other than the trip and how cool and awesome it would be to see different places.

It turned out that on the night before the trip he had fallen ill with a high fever and consequently had to miss out. Sora hadn't wanted to leave him behind, but his grandparents were expecting him, so he had to go. When Sora had returned, he had brought along with him a present for Riku.

Riku grinned as he ran his fingers over the plush animal. He could still recall the eight year old Sora beaming at him from his bedroom door while holding out the funny-looking and brilliantly orange stuffed animal.

"_He reminded me of you, Riku, and I carried him with me when I went to town with my mom so you could be with me. Mommy says you have strep throat so I can't play with you until you get better, so I'm giving him to you, now, so you won't feel alone."_

Sora had peered around, then, to see if any parental units were around, and then snuck into his room to deposit the Moomba into his waiting arms.

Despite what Sora had told him, though, the brunette had spent many afternoons over the following week standing or sitting at his doorway and telling him about the current events or cracking some stupidly silly joke. They had played hangman, I-Spy, and most every other two person game that could feasibly be played from a distance.

As it was, the strep throat had turned out to be a precursor to chickenpox, so he ended up confined to his bed for another week and predictably, Sora ended up catching chickenpox very shortly after, too, right when he was starting to feel better.

Because he had already caught chickenpox, though, he had been allowed to keep Sora company and between the two of them, they had exhausted most – if not all – multi-player games known on the islands. It was during this time that he had taught Sora how to play Triple Triads, too.

Even though both he and Sora had gotten really sick for a while, Riku still recalled this particular memory with great fondness because it illustrated the strength of their childhood friendship.

Riku lightly poked the Moomba on its nose with a lopsided grin. "I don't suppose you've seen my Triple Triad cards, have you, hmm?"

Actually… if the Moomba was in the box, then maybe…

He put the Moomba in his lap and started digging through the box some more. After a few moments, he gave an 'Ah ha' as he pulled out a worn box of Triple Triad cards.

"Figures. Thanks for guarding them, Moomba." Riku chuckled and stroked one of the Moomba's worn ears. He pressed his cheek against the orange fur of the plush and whispered, "And thanks to you, too, Sora."

**- - - - - - - - - -**

_- tbc in Part III. So Many_  



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